Reflections--Sonship Retreat Schladming Style

I spent 5 days in the Austrian Alps in this adorable town called Schladming with my team going through Sonship. Sonship is curriculum put out by World Harvest and I would highly recommend you look into it. The Gospel was presented in a beautiful way and I was reminded yet again that the Gospel is more than just the entryway into the Christian faith, but that it is so much more powerful than that. 


Here are some of my thoughts about Sonship: 


This life, therefore, is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness; not health, but healing;  not being, but becoming;  not rest, but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it.   The process is not yet finished, but it is going on. This is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified. --Martin Luther


We analyzed idols in our lives: things we put our trust in, desire, or fear above God and how these things blind us to God's love. Sometimes these idols can be good things that we just allow to take priority in our lives and put before God. The good news is that God never tires of forgiving us. His well never runs dry. He still calls us to Himself as His beloved children. This blows my mind and what it really did was break my heart. How can I, such a wretched sinner, be so incredibly loved and still smiled upon after all the sins that I commit on a daily basis? Still rejoiced over? (Zeph. 3:17) I thought of Psalm 51:17, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." When we present ourselves broken to God, He welcomes us with open arms as His child. The longer I walk with the Lord, the more I see my sin and my need for a Savior. Thank God that the Gospel continues to work because you cannot look at the intensity of your sin and the holiness of God unless you have a huge Jesus to bridge the gap between the two. This life is a constant process of sanctification and it is pretty messy. Sometimes it's two steps forward, three steps back. But God does not grow faint or weary and He will keep pushing us along, always looking at us with favor because we are His children and He delights in us. 


While enjoying some quiet time in the mountains, I felt what it was like to be rejoiced over. That the King of the Universe delights in me, this vapor, and a sinful vapor at that. I felt so little sitting in the middle of these giant mountains, yet felt so at peace and so loved by my creator. He loves me in spite of my sin and still wants me to draw near to Him and discover His heart. 

Strength in Weakness

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.--2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

My tendency has always been to hide my weaknesses to protect my reputation, so that I may still appear to be a good Christian, a good role model. The thought never really crossed my mind that showing weakness was okay because it could point people to Christ. When I admit my weaknesses, Christ gets the glory because I show that I need Him and that I'm not self-sufficient, yet dependent on a great God. I am a weak vessel that He has chosen to be a light in this dark world. A weak vessel with a powerful God living within me. Because of this fact I can say, "Hey, I am utterly weak and without God's grace I would be nothing, but praise be to God for giving me the strength and making me a competent minister of His glorious grace. There is nothing that I could have done to become who I am today on my own. It is the work of God within me." When we admit our weaknesses, our fears, our sin and let the Spirit of God move in us, it is a beautiful, freeing thing. It allows you to delight in the Lord so much more than when you thought you could do it all on your own and when you hid your weaknesses. Admitting weakness, though at first it may seem detrimental, it strengthens you because it lets God fill you up with His strength. 

So there you have it world: I am weak. I am sinful. I am wretched. But my God is strong. He is gracious. He heals. He gives hope. He gives life. He delights in me when I cry out to Him. He saves. He loves. 

Summer Highlights Part 1

Well, my summer in Vienna is half way complete. It has been joyous, difficult, challenging, uplifting, and so much more. I want to list off some of my highlights of this adventure thus far...

• Walking around the 1st district both by myself and with my team
• Discipleship with Lindsay
• Coffee and lots of it :) 
• Lots of good Jesus time. Hard, but much needed lessons learned.
• Day trip to Bratislava, Slovakia 
• The food!!! Meat, cheese, bread, chocolate, nutella, bratwurst, wiener schnitzel 
• Getting to bond with the Hunter kids
• English camp. Though exhausting, I love those kids. 
• Shopping at H&M 
• Reading in historic areas of the city 
• Sacher Torte at the Sacher Hotel 
• Hearing Handel's Messiah at St. Stephan's Cathedral 
• Skyping with my family, friends, and boyfriend. They provide a lot of stability when I'm feeling feeble. 
• Going the Prater and riding the sketchy roller coaster and 383 ft. swing
• Enjoying some amazing views 
• People watching 
• Hanging out at the Naschmarkt
• Bonding with my fellow interns 

The summer is still young. I look forward to writing the second part of this post in 4 weeks with more highlights! 

Incompetent, Yet Beautifully Capable

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Corinithians 3: 4-6.

I've been thinking lately about how I feel inadequate and incapable of leading and ministering to people. It's been bringing me down lately and I just verbally processed it today when I met with Lindsay for discipleship. I've been feeling that my age, and in turn lack of life experience, makes me less important and much less qualified to do anything--especially speak truth into people's lives. I'm the baby of the group here in Vienna and when I get back to school in the Fall I'm going to be a leader in both my hall and the student body as just a 2nd year student. In the past, I've never really felt as though I've been lacking anything when it came to leadership--it's one of my spiritual gifts. I've always been a part of student council, been a leader on sports teams, part of NHS, etc. But I was leading people my age... I think now that I'm in a position where I'm speaking into the lives of people who are much older than me, it is intimidating me and Satan is trying to convince me that I am not capable of leading people who are older than me and have more life experience. He's trying to convince me that I don't deserve to be listened to because I am not as wise or mature as some people. He's trying to convince me that I need to stay silent because no one cares what I say because I'm just a kid.

BUT, God promises that He makes me competent to minister through the work of the Holy Spirit in me! It's not because of anything that I do, because without Him I am most definitely incompetent. He makes me capable to speak His truth into the lives of others, whether they are 5 or 50. "You a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts." 2 Corinthians 3:3. Because of the work of the living God in me, I am a letter to people's hearts! That is the power of the Holy Spirit! So as I continue to wrestle with what my role is in ministry, as a 19 year old, and as a daughter of the King, I find comfort in this verse--"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

My Prayer

Oh! for a heart that is burdened!
Infused with a passion to pray;
Oh! for a stirring within me;
Oh! for His power every day.
Oh! for a heart like my Savior,
Who being in an agony, prayed.
Such caring for others, Lord, give me;
On my heart let burdens be laid.
My Father, I long for this passion,
To pour myself out for the lost
To lay my life down to save others
"To pray," whatever the cost.
Lord, teach me, Oh teach me this secret,
I'm hungry this lesson to learn,
This passionate passion for others,
For this, blessed Jesus, I yearn.
Father this lesson I long for from thee
Oh, let Thy Spirit reveal this in me.
--Mary Warburton Booth

Seeking Jesus

I have been reading Mark and John over the past week trying to learn more about how Jesus presented himself to people he met and also to just learn more about the person of Jesus. I've been noticing that even if Jesus had an agenda to get somewhere, he would take time out of his day to heal others, to teach, and to edify. In America especially, we get so caught up in our busy schedules that we forget to be Jesus to people. Jesus was more concerned with saving lives than saving time. We tend to have it wrong and flip the two.
I think if we read the gospels and truly understood what Jesus was telling us, our lives would look totally different. There would probably be a lot less "Christians" and more true disciples. In John 8:31-32, Jesus says, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." We not only should look at Jesus as our Savior, but as our role model and the person who we should strive to emulate. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." Mark 8: 34-35. This teaching of Jesus requires obedience, submission, and faithfulness--to make him our role model as well as our Savior. It is not just a call to believe that Jesus is a cool guy. I challenge you to seek out what God's heart is and desire to share that same heart. Look at the life of Jesus and strive to be like him more and more everyday. Be a follower of Christ, not a leader of your own agenda. Take time to save lives and not worry about saving time.

Healing Faith

So, right now I'm sitting in Starbucks in Vienna and outside the window is the opera house. I'm loving this view and being able to watch the people walk by and see the beauty of the diversity of this city. God is so creative. I love it!
I've been reading a chapter of Mark and John everyday to see how Jesus presents himself to others and how I can best present him to the people I come in contact with. This morning I was reading Mark 5 and came across the story with the woman with the issue of blood. This story really hit me hard. This woman had been sick for 12 years and she had heard about Jesus and thought that if she could just touch his garment she'd be healed. So that is what she did. She got down on the ground and touched Jesus' cloak and just like she believed, she was healed. Jesus said to her, "Daughter, your  faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
This story is significant for several reasons:
1. How cool is it that Jesus calls her daughter?! We are so loved by Him that He calls us His children. The parent, child relationship is one of the most precious things there is. This is where our identity rests. You are a child of the King of Kings!
2. This woman's faith healed her. She had been sick for 12 years. If I were her, I would have been so discouraged and just given up. But not her. She was convinced that Jesus could heal her and simply by just touching his clothes! If this woman believed that, why don't I believe in God more? God is so much bigger than any and all of my problems, but so often I think that He isn't capable of fixing them and that I have to take matters into my own hands. I desire to have healing faith. I want to be so desperate for Jesus that all I know how to do is have faith in Him. I want to fall at His feet with fear and trembling and tell Him everything and believe wholeheartedly that He can save me from whatever I may be going through.