Incompetent, Yet Beautifully Capable

Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant--not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. 2 Corinithians 3: 4-6.

I've been thinking lately about how I feel inadequate and incapable of leading and ministering to people. It's been bringing me down lately and I just verbally processed it today when I met with Lindsay for discipleship. I've been feeling that my age, and in turn lack of life experience, makes me less important and much less qualified to do anything--especially speak truth into people's lives. I'm the baby of the group here in Vienna and when I get back to school in the Fall I'm going to be a leader in both my hall and the student body as just a 2nd year student. In the past, I've never really felt as though I've been lacking anything when it came to leadership--it's one of my spiritual gifts. I've always been a part of student council, been a leader on sports teams, part of NHS, etc. But I was leading people my age... I think now that I'm in a position where I'm speaking into the lives of people who are much older than me, it is intimidating me and Satan is trying to convince me that I am not capable of leading people who are older than me and have more life experience. He's trying to convince me that I don't deserve to be listened to because I am not as wise or mature as some people. He's trying to convince me that I need to stay silent because no one cares what I say because I'm just a kid.

BUT, God promises that He makes me competent to minister through the work of the Holy Spirit in me! It's not because of anything that I do, because without Him I am most definitely incompetent. He makes me capable to speak His truth into the lives of others, whether they are 5 or 50. "You a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts." 2 Corinthians 3:3. Because of the work of the living God in me, I am a letter to people's hearts! That is the power of the Holy Spirit! So as I continue to wrestle with what my role is in ministry, as a 19 year old, and as a daughter of the King, I find comfort in this verse--"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

My Prayer

Oh! for a heart that is burdened!
Infused with a passion to pray;
Oh! for a stirring within me;
Oh! for His power every day.
Oh! for a heart like my Savior,
Who being in an agony, prayed.
Such caring for others, Lord, give me;
On my heart let burdens be laid.
My Father, I long for this passion,
To pour myself out for the lost
To lay my life down to save others
"To pray," whatever the cost.
Lord, teach me, Oh teach me this secret,
I'm hungry this lesson to learn,
This passionate passion for others,
For this, blessed Jesus, I yearn.
Father this lesson I long for from thee
Oh, let Thy Spirit reveal this in me.
--Mary Warburton Booth

Seeking Jesus

I have been reading Mark and John over the past week trying to learn more about how Jesus presented himself to people he met and also to just learn more about the person of Jesus. I've been noticing that even if Jesus had an agenda to get somewhere, he would take time out of his day to heal others, to teach, and to edify. In America especially, we get so caught up in our busy schedules that we forget to be Jesus to people. Jesus was more concerned with saving lives than saving time. We tend to have it wrong and flip the two.
I think if we read the gospels and truly understood what Jesus was telling us, our lives would look totally different. There would probably be a lot less "Christians" and more true disciples. In John 8:31-32, Jesus says, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." We not only should look at Jesus as our Savior, but as our role model and the person who we should strive to emulate. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it." Mark 8: 34-35. This teaching of Jesus requires obedience, submission, and faithfulness--to make him our role model as well as our Savior. It is not just a call to believe that Jesus is a cool guy. I challenge you to seek out what God's heart is and desire to share that same heart. Look at the life of Jesus and strive to be like him more and more everyday. Be a follower of Christ, not a leader of your own agenda. Take time to save lives and not worry about saving time.

Healing Faith

So, right now I'm sitting in Starbucks in Vienna and outside the window is the opera house. I'm loving this view and being able to watch the people walk by and see the beauty of the diversity of this city. God is so creative. I love it!
I've been reading a chapter of Mark and John everyday to see how Jesus presents himself to others and how I can best present him to the people I come in contact with. This morning I was reading Mark 5 and came across the story with the woman with the issue of blood. This story really hit me hard. This woman had been sick for 12 years and she had heard about Jesus and thought that if she could just touch his garment she'd be healed. So that is what she did. She got down on the ground and touched Jesus' cloak and just like she believed, she was healed. Jesus said to her, "Daughter, your  faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."
This story is significant for several reasons:
1. How cool is it that Jesus calls her daughter?! We are so loved by Him that He calls us His children. The parent, child relationship is one of the most precious things there is. This is where our identity rests. You are a child of the King of Kings!
2. This woman's faith healed her. She had been sick for 12 years. If I were her, I would have been so discouraged and just given up. But not her. She was convinced that Jesus could heal her and simply by just touching his clothes! If this woman believed that, why don't I believe in God more? God is so much bigger than any and all of my problems, but so often I think that He isn't capable of fixing them and that I have to take matters into my own hands. I desire to have healing faith. I want to be so desperate for Jesus that all I know how to do is have faith in Him. I want to fall at His feet with fear and trembling and tell Him everything and believe wholeheartedly that He can save me from whatever I may be going through.

The Whole Package

"Suppose there is a wedding, and when it is time for the vows the man says, "Pastor, I accept this woman as my personal cook, or as my personal dish washer." The woman would say, "Wait a minute. Yes, I'm going to cook. Yes, I am going to wash dishes. Yes, I am going to clean the house, but I am not a maid. I'm going to be your wife. You have to give me your love, your heart, your home, your talent, everything." The same is true in Jesus. He is our Savior; He is our Healer, but we cannot cut Him into little pieces and take one part of Him and not another part of Him. When we take Him as our Savior, we are also taking Him as our Lord. When we ask Him for salvation, we accept His command to "Go."--John Willis Zumwalt in Passion for the Heart of God. 

I've been reading this book and it is incredible. I am already beginning to see more of what God wants out of me. I've also been reading Mark and John (the two books I've chosen to study this summer) and seeing more of the character of Jesus and how I need to replicate that. I have already begun to see my shortcomings and how there are certain parts of Jesus that I don't see the need for or don't want because that means giving up some of my independence. Let the pruning begin. Painful, but oh so rewarding. 

Hello Vienna!

Today, after months of anticipation and after 8 hours of flying, my team and I finally arrived in Vienna.

(My team in the Philadelphia airport. One of the long term team members, Sonja, was in the U.S. and helped at our training sessions.)

All I can say is, "Wow!" This city is gorgeous. There is so much history, so much amazing architecture, so much beauty. I was thinking as I was uploading pictures on to my computer tonight that I think it is going to be really difficult to see the beauty of the city and the depravity at the same time. Vienna as a whole is so lost, but by looking at the city itself it looks so well put together. I think once I get over the initial shock of how beautiful it is here, I will begin to have my eyes opened. I want to see this city the way God sees it and reach it for the sake of glorifying His name. Please pray that God would open my eyes and give me opportunities to share His love with others.

Off to Austria

Today is the day that my team leaves for Austria. I'm overjoyed to start this new adventure in life and discover more what God has for me. I'm scared and nervous, but tremendously excited as well. I've been in Philadelphia since Sunday afternoon and have been enjoying getting to reconnect with my teammates and the other interns going to different parts of the world. We went to a conference center called SPADE and had a lot of fun there. We talked about having communion with Jesus and what it means to be in community with each other. These were both really helpful things to discuss before we prepare to depart. I'm so excited to see how God works this summer in Vienna as well as the other places where the World Harvest interns will be.
Please be praying as we all travel. Pray for rest, both spiritual and physical. Pray that we would adjust well to our temporary homes and connect well with our teams. Thanks so much for your partnership.